Shouldn’t have taken that late night nap.  Lied in bed for almost 2 hours.  Couldn’t sleep.  Now I am just bored and hungry.

I feel a little embarrassed about talking how nerdy I am.

I think the one thing I miss the most when I left Oregon was the few friends I had.  I now look back and wonder if they were really friends to begin with; we don’t even speak to one another now.  I don’t think I have made a huge effort to make friends here, though.  I have made some, but I just keep hitting a wall.

I notice with my anxiety/depression I automatically take a backseat to all relationships that I have with my friends/siblings.  It almost seems unbearable to keep up, because I live in this constant state of paranoia that they hate me or I am bothering them.  This really has been a strong feeling with one of my younger sisters because I see her write in her tumblr and I have slowly witnessed her transforming into someone that if it weren’t the fact we were related I would not be her friend.  I would have no intention of being her friend nor would I want to be her friend.  She is extremely judgmental, vapid, arrogant, and self-centered.  I don’t know how to react when someone is like that and they’re my sister.

If it was anyone else I’d simply walk away from that friendship.  Can’t really walk away from a family member.

Have been pill free for maybe 4 or 5 days now.  Keep hoping my doctor will call me back.  My mom comes out to visit next week and I am anxious; as always.

Kind of glad I skipped my ethics class yesterday.  Don’t think I’d have been able to contain my disgust and rage when having to listen to young teens talking about abortions when you know they have never had sex.